going to yet another new Doctor. It should be sometime next week. My mind wont
stop going over and over all the things I want to say to him. I have written most of it down
I have never dropped a Doctor because He/She wouldn't give me pain meds! Until last August I never had trouble with that. My Doctor's all treated my pain fairly adequitely.
Then, On August 24th 2009, I fired my caregiver, who, being an obviously maliscious and vindictive woman, called my caseworker at Senior and Disabled Services; Karen Phillips and told her that I was injecting my morphine.
Instead of checking this accusation out in any way, shape or form, Karen immediately called my Doctor; Mary Gabriele, M.D. and told her what was told to her by the caregiver. Thinking that Karen was an accurate source, Dr. Gabriele stopped all my meds, no weaning off of them, just stopped them, "fired" me and I later found out that because of this accusation I could no longer go to any PeaceHealth facility!
I was numb with shock! Which, lasted for a few weeks. I couldn't function, I couldn't even fight back!
My Mom called SDS for me and spoke to Karen's Supervisor, who did absolutely nothing but defend her employee.
Here it is almost 8 months later and I still have not had my pain treated! I live one day at a time, like addicts do, because whenever my mind wanders to tomorrow and the thought that it will be just as painful as today, I feel panic coming on, literally! I have to talk myself down, so to speak and concentrate on the blessings of today!
I finally filed a complaint with the State Medical Board just about a week ago. Don't ask me what took so long, sometimes I don't understand myself either.
I plan to call SDS tomorrow and filing a complaint there as well. Karen Phillips no longer works there, I don't know why but the least they could do is file a retraction in my Medical Records!
Hell yes I'm seeking drugs, I am in extreme pain every day, I need help so I can continue on with my life. I'm also a Therapy-seeker; I want Physical therapy to help me walk again. I want help to Live again! I'm also seeking diagnosis' for the lumps in my glands, the swelling and pain in my neck and the 2 herniated discs in my low back. I'm seeking Lyrica for the Fibromyalgia. I have a form for the new Doc to fill out to get Lyrica free from the Drug Company.
I'm seeking a new wheelchair as the seams are coming out in the one I'm currently attached to. I'm seeking a walker or cane so when my legs get strong enough, (and they will get strong enough, dammit, LOL!) I can walk with their help!
A NEW DAY DAWNING:
When I think of the person I was just 2 months ago, it really amazes me! As I've said in a previous entry; I didn't do hardly anything for myself! I was so depressed and stressed out, I just wallowed in it all day and night. I lay in bed, unable to function. I rarely ate, and I'm ashamed to say; rarely bathed! I changed my clothes like once or twice a week. I did shower once a week but to the clean person I usually am, this is rare! I know it's hard to understand how someone can live like this. 'Just push yourself', I can still hear people saying. But, it just isn't that easy! when you're in that deep of a depression, you are almost paralyzed. It took every ounce of energy I could muster just to get up to go to the bathroom!
Since moving in this Adult Foster Home 2 months ago, something changed within me! I believe just the fact that all that stress was removed from me has given me a new lease on life!
For the past 8 years I have aspired only to die! That's all I wanted out of life. I had no more hope and only pain to look forward to, or so I thought. I wouldn't take my own life as I promised my God and my son that I wouldn't! But, man! I wanted to die in a bad way! Unfortunately, I talked about it often and that couldn't have been healthy for my son to hear, I'm so sorry now, but is it too late? Will he resent me for this, for everything? I can only pray he will!
Now, I want to live! It's actually a foreign feeling for me, but I do! I want to someday take complete care of myself again, be self-sufficient.
Here, I do almost everything for myself. Although I still need Rose & Tiffany to wash my clothes, change my bedding, cook my meals and I know that sounds like too much but, I do alot more for myself than I have in years!
Every day I get up, brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed in actual clothes, not p.j.'s!
Thank you Rose, Tiffany, Joon & Nanay for all you've done and continue to do for me!
it's a big deal when living in this situation to feel so welcomed and at home in such a short time, they're really wonderful, awesome people!!!
I eat 3 meals a day! I think this is the first time I've had the appetite to do that since forever! I bathe often, in an actual bathtub! Ahhhh! I've lived with only a shower for the past 7 years! It's so nice to soak again!
I keep my room straightened. Put my own clothes away, straighten my bed every day. I still need them to sweep my floor, but I even take out my own trash! This may sound so trivial to most people but to me all these things are a HUGE deal!
Because I have to go outside to smoke, I'm up most of the day! I actually have a tan for the first time in 9 years! And this is springtime in Oregon! Imagine that!
I only lay down a few times a day for an hour or so, as the pain when sitting up too long becomes impossible.
I have strategically placed my laptop on a desk across the room so I have to sit at it instead of laying in bed!
I pray everyone has a wonderful day and learns to make an adventure out of every one!
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