Mental Illness vs. Physical Disease

This subject is really getting to me, especially recently. First, a very dear friend, who I haven't spoken with for a year but who knows how much better I'm doing asked me if I was walking yet? I was very hurt by this. Because my Mental Illness is finally under control doesn't mean my Physical diseases are cured!  Also I've had several doctors who when they find out I have a mental illness, treat me like my physical condition isn't real, it's just 'All in my head'. I have been told that my pain is a somatization disorder, which, basically is the same thing as psychosomatic or in simple terms; all in your head!

I am so frustrated!  Don't these idiots have enough education to know that mental illness is a completely different animal than physical disease? I mean, yes they are intertwined in some ways, but, they are also very different. It is possible for a mentally ill person to develop physical diseases!Until my current doctor, I couldn't get a doctor to treat my pain, I suffered for a year, feeling like I was going to lose my mind ( even more, lol) because of the intense, severe pain.

I have a condition called RSD/CRPS: (Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Complex Regional Pain Syndrome)  It's been a recognized condition since 1865 when a doctor in Philadelphia started noticing the symptoms in some of the soldiers he was treating in a hospital there.  It was then and for many years called; Causalgia which is latin for: Burning Pain'. The burning is just one, but the most awful, of a myriad of symptoms.

 It is not curable, though on rare occasions some people have gone into remission. I did, back in 2001.  I was diagnosed in 1998. I was in remission for 4 1/2 months. it was heaven!!!!

Then, the RSD Monster began to rear it's ugly head in an even feircer manner. Not only did the pain return but all of a sudden my legs would just give out on me and I'd just fall. This would happen on various occasions, without warning. Then, on the last day of 2001, I was in a car accident. I only got whiplash, but this disease can spread or get worse from the smallest thing, even just a needle prick, so within 2 months, the symptoms, especially the pain and falling got ten times worse. I couldn't go for the long walks I loved anymore, every time I walked I'd fall at some point, so we decided I should be in a chair to get around, after  I had fallen into a busy street and just missed being hit by a car.

That was 9 years ago and I've been in a chair ever since. For the first 6 1/2 years I would get around the house, holding onto things but now I can't walk at all.

What really sucks about RSD- I should say one of the many things- is that it's unlike any other condition. Like Fibromyalgia, which I also have and have had since I was 16, the more you move the better it is for you. But with RSD P.T. and movement only make it worse.  So, what do I do? I went to a physiatrist (A doctor of Physical Therapy) who knows alot about RSD, which is the first doctor I've met in Oregon who has even heard about it, had prescribed me a power chair because all the years of pushing myself caused carpal tunnel in both hands.

Back to the mental illness issue:

I have bi-polar type II, which is referred to as bi-polar depression. I've been depressed my whole life. but I have moments of either really happy and outgoing, even loud. Or moments of intense anger and frustration. but, mostly I'm just depressed.

When I began using a wheelchair, I took to bed and spent 8 years there. My son; Vincent helped me alot and all his friends knew me from visiting bedside.

Over a year ago, My stress at home was just out of this world! which only made things worse! My caregiver wasn't doing her job and my house was a complete mess most of the time, which due to a little ocd on my part, drove me crazy as I couldn't do anything about it. the depression got worse and the state came in and moved me into an adult foster home. the final decision was mine, but I was so bad off, I just agreed.

Something happened to me about 3 weeks after moving, I had no more stress, I had a new companion dog; Buffy ( my neice gave her to me for christmas) and I had someone to care for me and for the first time in years, I was calm and not depressed so much.

I decided to start fighting back against the desire to give up and got myself out of bed, I even put my laptop on a desk, where it still sits today, so I would have to sit up and use it, I wouldn't allow myself to lay down during the day, except for short periods to help alleviate the pain. I began taking pictures, crocheting alot, reading and just keeping busy.

Today, I'm still in the foster home. I'm quite happy, though I still suffer, of course, from the intense pain and fear I will never walk again, I get out of the house and go for rides to the store, or whatever.

The only thing missing in my life is my companion. she passed away last november and I'm still heartbroken and lonely for her. But, my caregiver wont allow me to have another dog. I just need to adjust.

I spend hours outside reading. I have found that as long as I have enough distractions, I can do one thing until the pain gets too bad, then move onto another thing, etc...

I like my life now. Whereas a year and a few months ago I was just wanting to die. that's all I wanted! now I want to live, I want to see my grandchildren someday, I'd like to transition into my own place again sometime.

I have hope! but more importantly I have a strong faith in the Lord! I plan on going back to church soon.

I want everyone who suffers from a IPS (Intractable pain syndrome) to know there is hope, just take the bull by the horns and refuse to give up and give in to the depression! Fight, fight, fight!

Blessings to all!

Margot