New Hope

I went to my new PCP on Friday, I was a nervous wreck!  But, He ended up being very nice! He sat and listened to me~Which, if you've had much experience with Doctors, is a big deal!
He spent about an hour with me, then at the end told me that he wanted to be my Doctor and help me attain my goal of:  going to P.T. and walking again! But, as he said, 'he planned to be there for me and help me get and stay healthy! He:(Dr. Allcott) Increased my Gabapentin (Neurontin) to a therapeutic level and increased my Motrin to 800mg 3 times a day, instead of PRN. He said next month we'd talk more about other pain meds, but it's a start! I'm really hoping that these changes will bring down the baseline pain, at the very least!
I was so relieved when I left there, although it ended up being a 31/2 hour appointment, then the 1/2 hour ride home, I was hurting but on cloud 9!

The Weekend was my time to relax!  Although I was a little stressed over an error on my pre-paid credit card that made me $168 short for my rent here at the Foster Home, I felt pretty confident it would be straightened out eventually and luckily Rose, my Caregiver is understanding and willing to wait!  Thank God! and Thank Rose!

Yesterday was my first appointment with a new Counselor: Sandi.  It turned out that she used to be my Counselor 7 years ago, during a much darker time for me!  She would come out to my home every week because I was so depressed and wallowing in my own self-pity that I wouldn't leave the house!
She was surprised and very happy to see all the major changes in me! To be quite honest, when I look back on how I was even just this past February I'm quite shocked at the changes in myself!  I have a much more positive outlook on life and the major thing is; I want to Live!
I spent the past 8 years wanting nothing more than death and in a very short time, I took my outlook on life to task and did a complete 180!  If my son could only see me now!
I wish he'd hurry up and get the internet, cuz there's so much I want to show him about me.  He will be ecstatic, no doubt!  The poor kid, well; young man, spent the last 8 years listening to a Mom whose only outlook on life was negative and whose whole 'being' was sending out nothing but negative energy!
I hope and Pray constantly that he will be able to forgive me for all I put him through!

I really hate showing this picture because of how incredibly fat I was, but, the one to look at is my Blessed Son: Vincent

God Bless Him, he was always my rock! Always there to listen to me and to let me know how ridiculous I was being!  I miss my boy sooooo much it hurts!  But, I realize now that he is in a much better place!  He's on a young man's adventure...working hard, living hard and learning every step of the way!
I just wish, being hope that he could come visit me before too long! I don't know how long I can handle not seeing him.  He's my heart! and he carries a piece of my heart with him wherever he goes!