Changes

It's been 12 weeks since I moved in here at the Adult Foster Care Home.  I cannot hardly believe the difference in my whole outlook on life, my pain levels, my anxiety levels and my self-esteem!
I remember that first week vividly.  I was in a constant state of almost panic.  I was in mourning over the loss of my home of the past 5 years, and all the "Things" I had to leave behind.  It wasn't the things that I missed I don't think, but the fact that they were mine.  Here, I  hardly had anything left.  I lost all the Christmas things I had accumulated, things my son made for me, things that mattered to him that I couldn't get help getting.
Those were the most missed in the 'things' category.  I also missed my independence.  Being out here in the middle of nowhere farmland, I couldn't get around as I pleased anymore.  My whole day was dictated to me by someone else.  I couldn't even hold onto and get my own pills, not even the OTC ones.
I realize now, that not only was I not independent when I could have been, due to my having secluded myself from life,  but Rose is very understanding of my need for said independence and allows me to do whatever I can and want to do.  As far as the pills, it's better this way, much!  I was forgetting doses of pills, I always had some left at the end of the month!  Also, it may help my Doctor to gain trust in me, knowing they're under lock and key.
3 months ago, I had to have someone else; make my bed, clean my room, make my coffee, feed my dog, brush my hair, etc...  Now: I do all these things and then some.  I still need a little help in some areas, but as far as personal care and even cleaning my own room, I do these things myself.  I've pushed through the depression (most the time) to get on this computer and do some writing, trying to reach out to others in various ways, with my own experiences, hoping that in some small way I can help those who haven't reached 'this place' yet to get here sooner than I did!
I also Crochet, when my hands will allow, which gives me great satisfaction.  I've begun making Chemo Caps for Cancer Kids, doing things for others has always been my one real goal in life.
I've wanted to be a photographer most my life, now I've begun taking pictures at all the beauty out here in the farmlands of Oregon.  Soon I'll be able to branch out as I recently became eligible for free rides to town and back (Eugene, Springfield and/or Junction City).  Anywhere I want to go, so I'm going to go visit The Rose Garden, Alton-Baker Park and other of the many beauty spots in this region of Oregon.  I want to take tons of pictures!  It is so therapeutic and relaxing just to be surrounded by all this beauty,  taking pictures is an added perk for me!


My pain levels have plummeted, for the most part. Especially the baseline or constant pain.  I still have flares and breakthroughs which can bring me to tears, but I'm handling it better than ever before.  I'm looking forward to my future for the first time in many, many years and am feeling blessed that God did not 'Take me Home', all those times I begged him to!

In honor of my new 'Attitude', I've re-named this blog to Surviving Pain for I am surviving.  I'm no longer a prisoner of it as I had always believed!