Emotions and Pain

Well I snapped at Ron, (one of the other residents here) this morning just for playing his music too loud! I feel bad, but people just don't understand that noises cause our pain to get worse.  It feels like all the nerves in my body are vibrating and it makes me very irritable.

I wish this weren't so, I don't like snapping at people!  I prefer to be as pleasant as possible to people at all times, but sometimes the pain just makes me irritable and I can't control it, though I do try!  I know it sounds like an excuse, but believe me; it's the truth!
My pain level in the past 2 weeks has been much worse.  I think it has something to do with: A. the stress of waiting to go to a new Doctor: B. the horribly cold, wet, windy weather we're having and: C. Tiffany;One of the caregivers, has moved out!
She left yesterday and it was really heart-wrenching!  She was such a sweet, caring presence here.  But, she's onto bigger and better things!  She joined the Air Force and is getting ready to take off for boot camp in a couple of weeks.  She's going to be working in Intelligence, so I don't really worry too much about her getting hurt overseas!
With any luck, she wont even go over there!  But, I'll be praying for her!  I've only known her for 2 months, but I really care about her like one of my kids!

The state nurse is coming to see me this thursday.  She's been seeing me at least once a month for over 2 years now. Diane is great!  She's been there through all the crap! and can attest to the fact that I'm not an addict and I've never "Injected" my meds, as that caregiver said!  I'm praying a few words on my behalf to this new Doctor will help my case and make him comfortable enough to prescribe me something for this horrible pain!  No one could possibly understand what I'm going through on a daily basis.  People see my fake facade I put on and think I'm just fine, but inside I'm screaming!
I learned a long time ago that showing others you're in pain only causes them to show you one of two faces: Pity or Doubt! Neither of which I can tolerate.  I hide my pain well! Not just physical pain either, but emotional.  For the most part, people really don't want to see or hear about your problems!I find this to be unfortunate, but we, as a society, has become intolerant to the suffering around us.
I often wonder if it could possibly get any worse?  Or maybe somehow, someday, it will get better?  All we can do is try to get through to others around us and Pray!